I’m having a moment. Well, it’s a bit longer than a moment if I’m honest, but a moment it is, nonetheless. I’m having to keep in mind all the things I have learned about truly being in tune with my body and mind, and learning to be kind to myself.
I’ve always been one to push, push and push even harder, no matter what. That’s what got me into my little pickle in the first place – and now I’m in danger of doing it all again. When you’re feeling good, and you’re riding on a wave of adrenalin and being busy, it’s hard to remember the feelings of complete exhaustion and inability to think straight. However I came back to earth with a crash yesterday – literally – and I’m now having to be extra careful with myself in order that the year’s efforts aren’t completely wasted.
I allowed myself two or three days of nothingness last week after Lucerne, and even allowed myself normal ice cream last Sunday, before starting some cross training on Wednesday...running, weights, cycling and so on. Nothing strenuous (well, not THAT strenuous), just ticking over to keep metabolising and keep things from seizing up. I did a good couple of cycle rides on Saturday with the GS Henley group and found the pace easy, before the boy got a puncture and I rode back to the car and picked him up. Riding with tubs I believe doesn’t leave room for roadside puncture repairs! Anyhoo, I went out for a girls’ dinner on Saturday night for Catherine’s birthday at the Bull and Butcher in Turville (very nice, apart from the squirt of a waiter who said “I’m quite busy ladies” when someone had to change their order because they had run out and the person in question couldn’t decide) and slept through the meeting time for the GSH group on Sunday morning. I seem to be very tired at the moment!
So, Richard and I went out together after breakfast and the pace was really steady, but after only an hour and a bit, I started to feel absolutely awful. I stopped and had a little moment of feeling really pathetic, but I got back on and continued for a bit longer. However I was completely drained of all energy and felt unable to turn my legs. Then my vision started to go and I weaved and wobbled until (on the most inappropriately busy road of course), I eventually wobbled off and landed in a heap on the grass verge, sobbing with exhaustion and curling up just wanting to go to sleep exactly where I was. Eventually Richard managed to persuade me to haul my carcass up and we crawled to a coffee shop in one of the Chalfonts where we had a cup of tea and I had a banana. I was freezing cold and just couldn’t warm up but we got back on and carried on. After only fifteen minutes though, I started weaving again and had to stop, and Richard then practically pushed me to Beaconsfield where he left me in a coffee shop while he cycled home to get the car and pick me up.
I haven’t ever had an episode like that before. I do get very lightheaded if I haven’t eaten for a few hours, as we all do, and if I have trained really hard and long I will need to make sure I don’t leave it too long between meals/snacks. However this felt like I did when I was at my worst with the adrenal fatigue. I think I have to accept that I must take a bit more time out, as mentally I have been so wired for the past few weeks’ worth of racing. There has been a lot of emotion and mental devotion, not to mention the physical strain of racing at such a high level on very little base work. It’s hard to take that step back and realise that if I don’t do that now, I will just put myself right back to where I was in February and I could kiss my year goodbye, again. So, I’m going to get a blood test done to check a few things over – it feels like there’s something going on with insulin and blood sugar – and I will take a few days off this week and go for walks and regenerate. It’s my birthday on Friday and I’m going to just enjoy myself and not think about things too much! I’m so lucky that I have the opportunity to chill out a bit, as I’m not coaching again until September!
On another - and yet again quite unrelated - note, Eminem is really a very angry young man. Am I just getting old?
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