Happy New Year to One and All!!!

So, true to form, I was completely disorganised this year. I didn't send out nearly as many cards as I'd wished and I say it every year....yet with each year I seem to be less and less able to get my act together!! So I feigned social responsibility and environmental consciousness and wished most people an electronic Happy Christmas, or posted on Facebook. Lazy cow. As it was, I was really looking forward to Christmas this year, which we spent with my family in Dorset and I wasn't disappointed. We had a really lovely time, and the Boy braved the full family onslaught, coming out unscathed!!

I gave myself a Christmas present in the form of the first half decent ergo score in years. JPM came over to the house last Thursday to witness the test, which we did in our conservatory as it is the easiest place to control the temperature. It's doubling up as an ergo and turbo room, as I have been being precious and not venturing onto the river in the very cold conditions. I think I have worked out that anything under about 4 degrees C and I lose all ability to function normally! I have also worked out that staying out of the grotty weather is the reason why I have thus far remained relatively healthy this winter....although that has probably put a jinx on me now! So I can erg, spin my legs on the bike and wander down to LA Fitness to do weights and any other cross training without fear of going base over apex on the ice or generally getting cold and wet!!

Anyway the score on the door equalled my PB of 7:15, which isn't going to set the world alight, and I know I could have done so much more as my heart rate was not high and I wasn't awash with lactate. I kept it very calm and cirsumspect, as I had started my most recent test on the day of Scullers' Head (which I pulled out of due to the cold) and got to about 400m in before the mushroom cloud happened.....my splits ticked along at 1:48, 1:49....then BOOM, 1:58, 1:59...2:00...I was still cleary holding on to some residual cold symptoms from Turin and I just cut my losses. I wanted to a consistent and steady test, to complete it and overcome the "I am crap" demon, which Jules and I have worked really hard on in our NLP sessions. It is certainly working as the gremlin that sits on my shoulder and tells me how pathetic and unworthy I am gets really squashed!! Overall I am happy with the effort, knowing that I have a few seconds up my sleeve with a simple change in environment (i.e. not on my own in my conservatory, with no race "hype" and fire to give a bit of edge to it all). Combine that with a few more weeks of solid training and we're going to be on a little roll I hope. For the first time in my training life I am looking FORWARDS, not backwards, or even sideways at the people I want to better. I have no control over them. I can only control me and my actions, reactions and choices.

There you have it: a short one today, and my New Year's resolution will be to be more consistent with everything I do. I will hopefully be getting on a few camps in the New Year: cycling with the Boy, to Seville with Mortlake who have kindly offered me a place on their camp and to France with Henley Rowing Club. That will take me nicely to the early summer racing with the three World Cups, the World Championships in Bled and a week later the biggie, the All Africa Games where I aim to qualify for the Olympics. By all accounts the new Zambian Constitution will be going through relatively soon and my fingers, toes and legs are all crossed that the passport situation resolves itself in plenty of time for the Worlds in August. Jules and I did the budget for next year and we both gulped hard...hopefully the sponsorship pitches we have put out there will yield the support that we will need for the coming eighteen months or so of racing and training. If anyone out there knows someone benevolent....

So, a Happy New Year to you all, and health, wealth and happiness in 2011!! Let's make it a good one!!

Lifeguarding, racing and trying to stay awake.....

Phew. I am sitting down, finally, and not doing the things I should be doing!! It’s been far too long since my last missive, and lots has happened, not least today’s excitement involving a veteran men’s 2x capsizing on the river this morning and yours truly fishing them out. I am honestly beginning to wonder if I am somehow causing these mishaps indirectly....this is the second (but infinitely far less life-threatening) incident I have been involved in, in as many months!!! Anyway, no harm done, just two very soggy chaps and perhaps a couple of bruised egos (and knees).

We are nearing the end of the third block of training and I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I have managed to stay illness and injury free. Admittedly, I have had to take the odd day where, to coin JPM’s phrase, I felt a bit “hot in the throat” and I have backed right off the training, choosing to either sleep (I know) or go on one of my epic walks which sometimes end in me losing my bearing completely and being rescued by Barbour jacketed ladies on the way home from collecting Labrador supplies (or whatever). However, it really is an eye-opener to find that I am able to rest, then push, then rest, then push...up until now it’s been pure survival from one day to the next and just getting through the session has been the goal, not necessarily moving on. I am not saying that I am all of a sudden going to produce performances that will set the world alight, but small successes, however many or few, are coming my way and I count my blessings for the opportunities I have.

Racing has started again, and the weekend before last I toddled over to Wallingford to race the Long Distance Sculls. I’d chatted about how to approach the race and was advised to “keep the powder dry”, and tap over the course at a long yet lively 29 – 30 spm, which I duly did. However the lively bit didn’t really happen in the first division, where due to logistics I was only able to race for time in the Women’s Elite Single, and although I gained the fastest time of the whole day, there were moments where I thought I’d shot my bolt, even at that relatively low rate! Sadly no acknowledgement or prize for that, but such is life! I then went out again for the second division, where there was at least the possibility of a pot in the Women’s Masters A Single, and got up to the start all prepared with warm kit as I know that I get so cold while waiting in the marshalling zone. However that plan was well and truly scuppered not once, but twice, by an over-enthusiastic safety launch swamping me completely, soaking my back and legs, dumping a load of water into my footwell and, yes, rendering my lovely warm kit, so lovingly prepared, absolutely sodden and weighing a ton! I spent a lot of time wringing and baling, and rapidly getting colder and colder, which meant that after more than an hour of waiting, my hands had lost all feeling and circulation and my lips were turning blue. I am not cut out for cold weather, and it’s not even winter yet! Anyway, the sculling, once we got started, was much more zippy than earlier in the day, still going over at a relatively low rate, when I came unstuck just outside the Brookes boathouse. I do not know what happened, but I was overtaking two girls, one on each side of me, and as we started to come level they sort of attacked in a watery pincer move, with all three of us ending up completely stationary and my stroke side blade jammed under one boat and no way of getting it free without the other sculler backing down. Eventually we extricated ourselves but the damage was done, no fastest time for me there (but a pot nonetheless).

The next day, Ze German, the boy, the sibling, the little miss and I, accompanied by Dave Duncan, Dani and Jacqui, headed to Marlow for the Rowers’ Revenge Triathlon. Jules had put together a team to race to raise awareness for her “M.E. – not the end of me” campaign, comprising of her on the row, Richard on the bike leg and Dave bringing it home on the run. I’d signed up to do the race on my own, as I wanted to support Jules too and I started the morning wondering how the hell we were going to manage in the pouring rain! I started earlier than Team Reichel, and started the 4k row conservatively, tapping it along at about 1:57 – 1:58 splits, figuring I could always take it up if necessary. I came off the erg just behind the previous year’s winner from Imperial, and hobbled to my bike. I tried to get my gloves and shoes on faster than her, and ended up struggling to get the gloves over my sweaty palms. I gave it up as a bad job as I saw Imperial Girl (IG) grab her bike before me, and gave chase. I wasn’t sure how or why at the time, but she seemed to gradually pull away from me during the course of the bike leg, and I got more and more frustrated, in particular as another girl came up behind my just before the turn in Henley. As I looked at her, I realised that I was not in anything like an aerodynamic position, as I’d completely forgotten to go down on the drops (I didn’t have tri bars as an option)! I have never ever done any sort of cycling time trial before so it didn’t really occur to me – I just worked and slogged and hoped for the best like I normally do on club rides! I managed to shake off the challenge of this new girl after a few little tussles and as I came back into Higginson Park where the race HQ was situated, IG was just putting her trainers on for the run. Excellent. You’re bigger than me, but I can have you. I chipped and chipped away during the run and overtook her in the 4^th kilometre, eventually coming in over 40 seconds ahead of her.

It was great seeing Jules so happy with her row, and I was so proud of her for so many reasons....however I was a little concerned when they asked where Richard was as he was due back to hand the belt to David. He was more than five minutes later than we had anticipated and when there was talk of a road crash and two ambulances in attendance we all gulped. Happily, he came in a few minutes later, and it turns out that he had punctured within the first kilometre! However he valiantly soldiered on and David ran a blistering 5.5km to bring the team home. We looked at the results and it became clear that I had won the women’s section outright, but we were so wet and cold that we’d gone for tea and missed the prize-giving! Doh! However I did get my trophy and a £50 gift voucher for Saddle Safari, along with a goodie bag so I was rather pleased with the day’s work!

Next up is the Silver Skiff in Turin, an 11km head race, which I am really looking forward to doing. November will be a pretty hectic month, with the Henley Long Distance Sculls in the first weekend, the Silver Skiff the next, The British Indoor Rowing Championships in the third and lastly the Scullers’ Head of the River on 27^th November. The last three will be raced at “winter lightweight” (61.5kg) which isn’t a problem as I normally sit between 59kg and 60kg throughout the whole year. The new training programme has changed my body composition again and I appear to have beaten the amenorrhea I have had for the past 6 years. Inconvenient as it is, it is heartening to know I can be light, train hard and “still be a woman”!! I’m not sure what has happened but I have reached a new stage mentally, primarily with Jules’ help with NLP, along with Alex Howard, the owner of a clinic called the Optimum Health Clinic. I have completely changed my outlook to training, racing and my own body and I am reaping the rewards of being much more in tune with myself.

More in the next instalment on some of the breakthroughs I have experienced - smashing ones in fact – along with some really really exciting news which I am itching to talk about! Once it all goes live I will be able to give more detail, but it’s an opportunity of a lifetime and between that and the All Africa Games, 2011 is going to be a ripping year!

Winds of change, wind in sails, windy days...

I seem to be in the middle of a hotbed of constitutional matters.

On Tuesday, I went to the Zambia High Commission to find out the status of me obtaining a Zambian passport so that I can race at the World Championships. FISA (the international rowing federation) have said that the rules differ from the World Cup regattas, and I need to have the passport in time for Karapiro (World Championships). So, off I toddled to the little pocket of Zambia on Palace Gate. I met with an extremely nice man, and having explained my situation to him, he set me right on a few constitutional matters, namely, that Zambia does not recognise dual nationality. Apparently, at 21 I should have made a choice to EITHER remain “British”, or renounce this and choose to be “Zambian”. Being born at a politically turbulent time (1978) in Southern Africa, with South Africa persona non grata internationally and with Zimbabwe going through its own turmoil for independence, having a passport from Zambia was not going to be particularly beneficial. Mum and Pa would have made the rights decisions for all three of us. And in any event, I think it is pretty well agreed that if you’re going to have a passport, a British one is your best bet!

Now, I have two choices at this point in time. Either I relinquish my British passport and take up Zambian citizenship (not going to happen) or I wait. I wait until the Constitution of Zambia is changed. Funny how life works like that, isn’t it? All of last year I was sitting on the bike with my back injury, just dying to get out there and race for Zambia, but I wouldn’t have been able to and there wouldn’t have been any chance of it as they were not going through their constitutional review. So I would have given up the dream. But right at this moment the draft Constitution is with the 72 districts in Zambia, who have to submit their amendments and comments by the 1^st of August 2010. Assuming all goes well there, the bill will go through, in goes the passport application and Robert’s your mother’s brother. Hopefully. In the meantime I have asked FISA if they are prepared to accept a provisional entry for Karapiro, on the understanding that I would not be eligible for the Development Programme support that I would ordinarily have as a member of a small and emerging federation.

As far as I am concerned, life and training go on as planned. I must continue to send out the positive vibes to the universe and hope that I get the passport for Karapiro. If not, there is a Plan B, and that is also very exciting and positive. In Plan B I have a year before the Olympic Qualifiers via the All Africa Games next July, plenty of time in which to get the passport, get really strong, fast and focussed, and crucially to have a normal training cycle process. With the Worlds being so late this year, it doesn’t leave much in the way of time!

So next up in the racing stakes is hopefully the Wingfield Sculls on the Championship Course on the Tideway on 24^th August.

I don’t know why I do this to myself. Every time I sit on the start of any of the Tideway events, be that in eights, quads or my single, I say to myself, “I hate the Tideway. It’s smelly. There are dead cats, condoms and faeces in it, not to mention corpses and all manner of other detritus. It has given me urinary tract infections, eye problems and it can be a living hell to row on. And yet here I am again. Daft cow”. Anyway, it’ll be good to get out there and race again, as I am already itching to get back in the boat and I haven’t even got to the end of week one of rest yet!

On to the other constitutional matter. It was the Upper Thames Rowing Club AGM last night and it promised to be a humdinger. I came back from Lucerne on Sunday to find that all manner of shenanigans had been going on, with late nominations for Captain’s role being submitted, deadlines extended and apparently (although oddly I hadn’t received any), emails flying around asking for support in replacing the current captain. The meeting lasted three hours, and there weren’t the fisticuffs and shouting matches that I know have taken place in previous years, but it certainly made for entertaining listening. One of the biggest discussions was around what the role of the Captain should be and whether the role was exclusively rowing-related. Now, I happen to know that the current Captain, Justin Sutherland, does a hell of a lot more than just deal with rowing matters. He is at the club during the day, meeting with contractors and the council, talking to people about what the club should be about and so on and so forth. If, therefore, the Captain does more than solely rowing-related jobs, should then Associate Members, who are currently only allowed to vote on non-rowing matters (and therefore cannot vote for the Captain), be allowed to vote for ALL posts on the Committee, including that of Captain? In the end the results of the ballots emerged, and Justin is in for another year with a significant majority.

I firmly believe that you cannot please 100% of the people, 100% of the time. It’s impossible. When you’re trying to effect change, you’re bound to get someone’s back up somewhere. That’s why I wouldn’t run for Captain unless I had the time and the emotional energy to deal with it. Sometimes you’re someone’s best friend (when you give them what they want), and at others you are public enemy number one. That’s the way life is, but it’s no good just hiding your light under a bushel, you’ve got to show strength and determination, as well as have a very thick skin indeed!

On another, quite unrelated matter, Jules took this picture in Lucerne the other day.

I think this guy’s hat looks like one of the buoys in the last 250m of the course. Does that mean that each one of them has a Dutchman underneath it? We know how they like to swim, don’t we? Or is it just another example of a type of Dutch cap? Eurgh. And, what is it with the Swiss and tunnels? There are loads of them (tunnels, not Swiss)...I had visions of loads of Swissies burrowing around the countryside, tunnelling away into the mountains. Mad. Having said that, Jules did inform me that the longest tunnel in Europe is in fact between Austria and Germany, so I am perhaps doing the Swiss an injustice.

Ah, an insight into the mind of Antonia.

That weird empty feeling...and frights, frocks and friendship!

I wonder if anyone else experiences this...that odd feeling of void emptiness, when nothing more can be done. No more training, the season is all but over for everyone else, the clubhouse is deserted and I am now just waiting. Oh yes, and packing. And doing laundry that should have been done by now but of course has been left until the last minute.

What? Don’t tell me I’m the only one who does this!

Anyway, we are leaving early tomorrow morning for another SleazyJet experience, Lucerne-bound. This time Team Zambia has doubled in size – with Julia, Richard and I travelling in the morning and Jules joining us on Thursday night. We are happy, excited...all has been organised and the GB Team Manager has been kind enough to let me put my boat on their trailer over there. I had written to him out of courtesy to let him know what was happening, and to explain my reasons to him. I was very keen that he didn’t feel that I was changing to Zambia out of disgruntlement or a desire to snub anyone. Not that I think he actually particularly cares, but diplomacy has always been one of my strong points.

So, the first heat is a couple of days away. I had decided not to race at Henley Royal Regatta this year, and looking at the conditions, being a lightweight would definitely have counted against me, as I believe would have the stations. Sometimes there are funny squalls that appear when there is a cross wind, which are a result of a gust whipping over the enclosure tents along the course and then dumping onto the Berkshire station. Add to that the stream (which this year wasn’t actually a factor I don’t think) and then which side you are on can also make a difference. Which brings me to Dorney Lake....actually, let’s not. Perhaps another time.

I only went to watch the Regatta on Friday, going to the Stewards Enclosure with Jules, Dani, Julia and my handsome chap in his new blazer. It was a really odd atmosphere that day, not like previous years, and I can’t quite put my finger on why it felt strange there. Being with my special people was fabulous though, and we all put our best feet forward, which sadly can’t be said for some of the mutton that was on parade...catty, yes. True? Totally.

I was so tired from training (I have been going solid for 6 weeks since my last “adaption week” and am ready for the long-awaited Lucerne taper) that we didn’t go any other day and I’m glad we didn’t. Driving through Henley on Sunday morning for a good long paddle before racing started, the destruction and mayhem of Henley Saturday were evident. It was horrible, and makes the Regatta sometimes very unpleasant to be at. The landing stage was like a war zone, with broken glass, debris and vomit littering the Upper Thames frontage. Walking down Remenham Lane with my blades on Saturday afternoon, we got into an altercation with these (for want of a better word) Chavs who kept on grabbing them and waggling them about. One of them ended up with a blade-end in his gut after about the fourth time...I am more and more tempted to avoid it altogether next year!

However I wonder if the disappointment of the racing will be for some a huge incentive for raising their game this weekend in Lucerne. I sincerely hope so, and wish everyone who is racing huge luck.

I am now going to continue wandering around in an aimless way trying to pack and be focussed! My mad kitten, Fidel (as in Catro...yes, he does have a machine gun purr, and he will soon be Fidel Castrato, poor thing!) is racing around the house like a mad thing, sliding across the kitchen floor and, completely unable to stop himself, charging headfirst into the dishwasher, which totally captivates him every time we open the door. Evidence below...

In their honour.

It is time. The cat is out of the bag.

The entry list for the World Cup in Lucerne is now out and it is time to tell you probably the worst kept secret in history. Funny how the words “Please keep this under your hat, but.....” seem to bring people out in a cold sweat, and they are completely unable to keep whatever juicy morsel they have been told under wraps.

Anyway, I am entered, officially able to race for the country where I grew up and where my roots are still firmly in the ground. The Zambian rowing team has its first international entry since their acceptance as a new federation under FISA!

It is a difficult thing to explain to people, why I have chosen not to represent GB any more and go it alone with no funding, no free physio, travel, kit...the whole dog and pony show. However, I will spend some time formulating my thoughts and share them with you. In the meantime, it is enough just to say that I am honouring my father, my beautiful cousin Silky, my heritage and roots...and for anyone who knows Africa, the pull of the African sun, the fish eagle’s cry, the smell of rain coming, the widest, darkest sky at night and the brightest stars you have ever seen.

For my own bright stars, who I hope look down and bless my dream, Linde van Deventer and Silky van Deventer.